Oct 27, 2009

In a Lighter Vein: New Financial Definitions

Photo by Picture Taker 2

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.

––Henry Ward Beecher

I've bored you enough already with the technical jargon of tax laws, insurance and stock markets. What’s life without humour? Why not take a break and have some lighter stuff to read and laugh about? So this post is about some interesting and funny definitions:

New Financial Definitions…

1. Banker: A fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it rains.__Mark Twain and Robert Frost

2. Lawyer: A learned gentlemen who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself.__Lord Henry P. Brougham

3. Consultant: A person who borrow your watch to tell you the time and then walk off with your watch.__Robert Townsend

4. Tax payer: One who does not have to pass a civil-service exam to work for the government__Ronald Reagan

5. Economist: A person who knows more about money than the people who have it.

6. Optimist: A person who keeps the engine of his car running while his wife is shopping.

7. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

8. Rich Man: Nothing but a poor man with money.

9. Advertising: The art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.__Will Rogers

10. Advertisement: The most truthful part of the newspaper.__Thomas Jefferson

11. Insurance Company: Heads we win, tail you lose.

12. Life Insurance: A plan that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.

13. PMS: Portfolio Mismanagement Services.

14. CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer

15. CFO: Chief Fraud Officer

16. Budget: A method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterwards.

17. Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

18. Prices: The only thing which violates the law of gravity.

19. Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

20. Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

21. Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

22. Liquidity Crunch: The state of an economy / corporate body that’s undergoing extreme dehydration.

23. Competition: When someone earns money not to make himself rich but to make his neighbor / rival less rich.

24. Capitalism: Man exploiting man, as compared with socialism, which is the reverse.

25. Old age: Age when thoughts turn from passion to pension.



Hope you enjoyed it!


Also see:

1. How to Simplify Your Life

2 comments:

  1. good! good !!
    actually, w. saumerset maughm wrote "a miser dies rich".
    a variation : economist... who succeeds in economizing his earnings.

    an addition : %growth.....%population rise +
    %inflation +%rise in current a/c deficit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. fisher, your articles are very good.

    ReplyDelete

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